


Constellation

by TextReciprocation



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Tarsus IV, a bit of angst, mostly dialogue oops sorry, they meet as kids and then grow up and stuff happens and it's cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2014-04-07
Packaged: 2018-01-18 11:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1427503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TextReciprocation/pseuds/TextReciprocation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You should be my friend anyways. You said your mom brought you here to see how humans act, right? Well, we dumb humans have friends. Having one would be a great way to, uh... Observe human customs! Right?"</p><p>Spock thought about it.</p><p>"Your logic is unconventional, but sound. I will be your friend."</p><p>----------</p><p>Jim meets Spock when he's eight years old. A decade, a famine, and a bar fight later, he falls in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Constellation

**Author's Note:**

> So uh, this was an idea I had that actually happened. It hasn't been beta-ed or anything, but it did go through several stages of editing and re-writing. This features adorable!Uhura (because seriously I love her so much) and concerned!Spock and lots of other stuff.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

Thanks to the Kelvin incident, Winona Kirk and her sons were well known among the federation. They were all too often invited to diplomatic events, memorials, and parties, which young James Kirk and his brother Sam were all too often forced to attend.

Jim handled the events far better than his older brother. He was quiet and well mannered. He simply sat in silence in some corner of wherever the party was being held and made as little noise as possible. He was unobtrusive.

Sam was not.

Jim wasn't actually shy, though, like his mother thought, or a goody-two-shoes, like his brother thought. On the inside, he burned with energy and innate intelligence.

He just didn't know what to do with it. He was too young to understand himself, and too young to care about the fact that he didn't understand himself yet. So, at eight years old, James Tiberius Kirk simply existed and kept quiet, letting the tangled mass of energy in his heart grow exponentially larger.

So there he was, sitting slouched in the far corner of the crowded room, trying his best to drown out the chatter of the annoying federation big-wigs and their equally annoying spouses and children. Sam was out there somewhere, being bored and aggravating his mother.

An approaching figure caught his attention. Just a kid, dressed in some weird formal robe that went down to his knees. His expression was blank, but his dark eyes looked weary somehow.

"Excuse me," the boy said, his voice disturbingly monotone. "If it is no trouble, would you object to my sitting with you? I find the atmosphere of the rest of the room to be..."

"Full of boring, dumb adults with no sense of personal space?"

"An interestingly worded assessment, but true nonetheless."

"Yeah, go ahead, sit. I don't mind."

The boy did so with an almost disturbing amount of grace and poise. The room was dimly lit, but Jim still noticed the green tinge of the boy's skin and the sharp point of his ears.

"I thank you. My name is Spock, son of Sarek. What is yours?"

"Jim, son of, uh, Kirk I guess. So you're a Vulcan, huh?"

"Yes, I am."

"What are you doing here on Earth?"

Spock hesitated, but only slightly.

"My mother is human. She insisted upon bringing me here to attend this gathering, and also to stay for several weeks. She believes that the experience will give me a greater understanding of human customs. It was a... most logical decision on her part."

"Oh, so your mom's a human? That's cool!"

"I fail to see what a relatively low temperature has to do with my human mother, but if you insist."

Jim laughed. Spock found the sound of it to be very pleasing, and somehow felt both proud and affronted at having caused it.

"No, it's like, a saying. Cool means, uh... Well it means that I think it's nice. Or, interesting or something. You know. 'Cool.'"

Spock paused.

"I believe that I understand your meaning. What is the logic behind such a phrase?"

Jim laughed again, shaking his head.

"There doesn't have to be any. Humans are 'cool' like that."

"I see."

They sat in companionable silence for a while. Jim didn't let on that he was nervous, but he was. He wasn't used to people willingly spending time in his company. He was either ignored or taunted by his peers, no exceptions.

Until now, apparently.

He felt that bundle boundless energy and enthusiasm begin to leak out of him, slightly. His posture became more relaxed, his eyes more excited.

"So," Jim said, breaking the silence, "This is boring."

"It is a social gathering known as a 'birthday party.' It is not meant to be exciting. It is a human custom that provides-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it, Spock. It's still really boring."

Suddenly, there was a twinkle of mischief in the younger boy's eye. He turned to look at Spock and stared at him for a moment, a wide grin plastered on his face.

Spock raised a slanted eyebrow at the younger boy's behavior

"We should sneak out," Jim finally said. "Nobody's really watching the door, we could pull it off."

"That would be highly illogical."

"Who cares? Come on, follow me."

Jim jumped up, grabbed Spock's hand, and pulled him into a standing position.

Spock's first instinct was to yell out in protest at the touch, which the human boy obviously didn't know the significance of. And then he felt the boy's mind, and saw how complex and bright and beautiful it was. He saw the potential for greatness that lurked beneath his skin. He felt the boys insecurities as if they were his own.

And then, Spock remembered his training, and did his best to block the younger boy's thoughts from his mind. They were dizzying and bright, and they made Spock uncomfortable in a way that he had never felt before.

Jim, unaware of Spock's inner tumult, pulled him along the wall, careful to avoid being seen by any of the party-goers. Luckily, they were all too distracted to care. The two boys slipped out of the entrance and into a deserted hallway. Jim released Spock's hand and let out a sigh of relief.

Spock relaxed, thankful for the abrupt cessation of contact.

"Oh, geez! It feels so good to be outta that place. C'mon, let's go outside."

Spock, illogically, couldn't help but follow Jim as he led his way to the garden that was tucked away behind the small house.

The sky had just reached full darkness, and there was a smattering of stars across it. James stared up at them with glee and appreciation. He grew calmer at the sight of them. To Jim, the stars had always been home. He was born among and and, if he had his way, he'd die among them.

"You familiar with Earth constellations, Spock?"

"No, I am not."

"Well then, c'mere and let me show you!"

James laid on his back, facing the sky. Spock mimicked his position somewhat hesitantly.

"The light pollution here in Iowa isn't that bad, especially out in the middle of nowhere like this. Mom explained that to me. It means we can pick out plenty of constellations here. See that? The line of three stars?"

Spock nodded.

"Yeah, then there's kinda like, a box around em. Looks like a giant bow tie or something. That's Orion! The archer. He's my favorite. And over there, the little trapezoid thing with the stick coming out of it? That's the Little Dipper."

"What does it derive its name from?"

"Dur-eye-ve?"

Spock hesitated before re-wording his statement.

"Why was it given that name?"

"Oh! I dunno. It looks like a little spoon, I guess? You can dip spoons in stuff. So, uh. Little Dipper."

"I see."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, 'illogical' humans. Anyways, there's a Big Dipper too. Can't find it right now though. It's another spoon, pretty much. Except it's actually supposed to be a big bear, or something. I dunno how."

"Fascinating."

Jim gave him a sideways glance.

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"Vulcans are never 'sarcastic.'"

Jim snorted.

"Are half-Vulcans sarcastic?"

"While my biology is both human and Vulcan, I have pledged myself to the Vulcan way of life."

"That didn't really answer my question."

"Then you must have failed comprehend the meaning of my statement."

"Stop talking all smart and Vulcan-y, geez, okay, I get it, you aren't a sarcastic person."

Jim exhaled deeply, and then simply stared into the abyss of space, his lips twitching upwards and his thoughts drowned out by the subtle twinkling of stars.

"On Vulcan, the stars are much different. Due to our atmospheric conditions and lack of light pollution, they are far clearer."

"It must be really pretty."

"Many find it to be aesthetically pleasing, yes."

"What?"

"Yes, Jim. It is pretty."

Jim laughed. Spock was not sure why, but yet again, he found pleasure in having brought about such a response. _Fascinating._

Jim shook his head, still smiling from his outburst of laughter.

"You know what? You're pretty cool, Spock. Wanna be friends?"

"Vulcans do not have friends."

Jim felt his heart sink, but he wasn't willing to give up quite yet.

"Fair enough. What do you guys have?"

"I... Do not know."

"You should be my friend anyways. You said your mom brought you here to see how humans act, right? Well, we dumb humans have friends. Having one would be a great way to, uh... Observe human customs! Right?"

Spock thought about it.

"Your logic is unconventional, but sound. I will be your friend."

"Cool!"

Spock, though he wouldn't admit it, was quite happy.

"C'mon, we better get back before our moms notice that we're gone and throw a fit."

"A 'fit' is not a physical thing that can be-"

"Oh, shut up and come on, I'll explain it later."

Kirk leaped up and, once again, grabbed Spock's hand to lead the way back to the party.

Spock noted that Jim was quite happy as well.

They reentered the party as stealthily as they could.

"James Tiberius Kirk! Where have you been!?"

"Oh, Spock! There you are!"

The two women looked at each other, then at their sons, as if they were confused.

Oh, no.

Jim gulped.

"Mom, this is my new friend Spock. He's a Vulcan! I was showing him the stars and stuff."

"Jim speaks the truth, mother. I am sorry for not informing you of my absence."

Lady Amanda lifted an eyebrow.

"Friend?"

"Yes, mother. Engaging in the human tradition of friendship will help me to better understand the species as a whole.

"Yeah, what he said! It was actually my idea, but he makes it sound way smarter."

Winona and Amanda looked at each other and then laughed. Talk about an unlikely pair.

"Alright then. No harm no foul I guess. Sam! Come on, we're leaving!"

"Hey mom, can Spock come over and spend the night? You'd like that, right Spock?"

Winona shook her head and smiled. Her son's first real friend was Amanda's little Vulcan prodigy. Oh, the mysteries of the universe.

"Well, you're in luck, kiddo. I've actually already asked Amanda here if she and her son would like to stay in our guest room for the next week or so. There's not much in the way of hotels in this part of Iowa."

"It's so kind of you, Winona. We really appreciate it, don't we Spock?"

"Yes, mother. I thank you for your hospitality, Mrs. Kirk."

"Real, genuine politeness? _That's_ new. Well, Spock, you're quite welcome. Sam, get over here! Come on, let's get going."

\------

Jim lead the way to his bedroom.

"It's so weird that our moms were friends together at Starfleet academy. Who knew, right?"

"I presume that there are plenty of people who were previously aware of the friendship between our mothers."

Jim shook his head.

"I'm gonna need to give you a lesson on Earth speak. Anyway, here's my bedroom! Put your stuff wherever you'd like. We can just share the bed, it's pretty big."

Spock surveyed the room. It was far different from his own; whereas Spock's walls were blank, Jim's were covered in posters and pictures and drawings. His nightstand featured several seemingly pointless objects, including several of what Spock recognized to be human "action figures." There was a t-shirt lying crumpled on the floor beside a haphazard stack of books (somewhat of a rarity in the 23rd century.)

The state of the bedroom reflected the personality of young James Kirk perfectly.

"So," Jim said, throwing himself onto the mattress. It creaked under his weight as he settled into it. "What d'ya wanna do?"

"I believe that we were sent here with the intention of us sleeping until morning."

Jim rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but that's _boring_."

"You seem to find a great number of things boring."

"Yeah, well, most things are."

Jim reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his PADD.

"We should play a game or something."

"For what purpose?"

"For fun, why else?"

Jim flicked through his PADD lazily. Spock, having found a place to store his things, joined him on the bed.

Jim turned the screen of the PADD off and tossed it aside.

"Okay," Jim yawned, "let's play truth or dare. You can go first."

Spock hesitated, but decided in the end to acquiesce.

"How does one play?"

"One person says 'truth or dare,' and then the other person picks either truth or dare. If you pick truth, the other person asks a question. If you pick dare, the other person will tell you to do something. If you refuse to answer a question or do a dare, you lose."

"I would inquire as to the purpose of this game, but I assume that doing so would be futile. If it is my turn first, then, truth or dare?"

" _Dare_ , obviously."

"I 'dare' you to go to sleep."

"You can't do that!"

"It wasn't explicitly stated in the rules that such a thing was disallowed. Do you refuse to complete the dare?"

"Spooooccckk, that's not fair!"

"According to the rules you established, it is perfectly fair."

"You crazy Vulcan," Jim yawned again. "Fine, I'll sleep. But this means the game isn't over. Tomorrow, it'll be my turn."

"Very well. Good night, James."

Jim protested being called his full name faintly into his pillow, and then quickly drifted into sleep. He was still wearing the clothes that he had worn to the party, as was Spock.

Spock sat there for a moment, watching the younger boy sleep. Jim was his friend. The concept was strange to him, but he enjoyed it. Friendship implied that one's company was wanted and desired. Spock had never had any such relationship with his peers on Vulcan, who viewed him as an outcast.

Little did Spock know, Jim had had similar experiences on Earth.

Spock drifted off to sleep shortly after Jim, exhausted by the day's events. He was content.

\-------------------

Spock, unsurprisingly, awoke before Jim.

He climbed out of bed and went to retrieve clothing from his suitcase. He took the clothes with him to the shower, and when he returned, he was clean, dry, and changed. Jim was still asleep.

Or so he thought.

"Truth or dare?"

The words were muffled and sleepy, but their source was unmistakable.

"Truth."

"You're boring. Whatever."

Jim rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling, deep in thought. There were so many things he wanted to know about the boy that he didn't really know where to begin.

"Alright, boring choice gets a boring question. Ever kissed a girl?"

Spock stiffened slightly, remembering how it had felt when Jim had grabbed his hand the night before. Had Jim not specified a gender, Spock would have had to lie.

"No."

"Yeah, didn't think so. Vulcans don't seem like the touchy feely type. Okay, your turn to ask."

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I expected as much. I 'dare' you to show me your books. I am rather curious."

Jim rolled his eyes, but secretly, was rather elated. He loved his books.

He grinned and jumped out of bed.

"It's not much of a dare, but sure, why not."

He walked over to the pile and sat down. He motioned for Spock to do the same.

"Before he died, my dad used to collect books. Real ones like these, made of paper and stuff. I love them. When I got old enough, my mom started letting me collect them too. A lot of these are my dads, but some are mine."

"Fascinating," Spock mused. "May I... Look at one?"

"Have at it! They're meant to be read and held, not set up behind some dumb glass case like most books are these days. Ah, that's one of my favorites."

Spock carefully observed the book that he was holding. The title was written in Terran standard, which, to Spock's eyes, was not as well organized or visually pleasing as Vulcan script.

He shoved the thought aside. Favoring one writing system over another was highly illogical.

He read the title.

"'A Christmas Carol'?"

"Yeah. My babysitter used to read it to me when I was a kid. It's about this gross, mean old guy who gets haunted cause he's greedy. By the end he's nice, though."

"I see."

Jim grabbed one of the books from the pile and grinned.

"This one is very logical, Spock. You'd love it."

"What is it's title?"

"'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.' Written by Lewis Carroll. Truly the most _logical_ work of human history."

Jim feigned wiping a tear from his eye.

"I believe that you employing the human form of communication known as _'sarcasm._ '"

Jim laughed.

"Yeah, okay, you caught me. You'd hate Alice in Wonderland. It makes truth or dare look so logical it hurts. Speaking of which, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Alright, fine. Let me think for a sec."

He did.

"Okay. Okay, I got it. What do you want to be when you grow up? Like, what job do you want."

Spock paused.

"I would like to be a scientist."

"Oh! That's cool. You could join Starfleet and be a science officer."

"It is more likely that I will attend the Vulcan Science Academy."

Jim deflated slightly.

"Oh, that's cool too, I guess. I'm gonna join Starfleet. I want to be a Captain someday."

"I wish you luck, James."

Jim rolled his eyes.

"It wouldn't kill you to call me Jim, you know."

"That is not your given name."

"Yeah, but it's what people call me. It's called a nickname. Do they not have those on Vulcan?"

"No."

"Oh. Well, they have them here, and mine is Jim."

"Very well... Jim."

The younger boy smiled brightly.

"Much better! Well, I'm gonna go get changed and take a shower, then we can go eat. I'm starving! See you in a bit, Spock."

Spock nodded and continued to look through the books. They were very intriguing, despite being an illogical waste of resources.

\-----

The next few weeks were a blur.

Their game of truth or dare continued. By now, they'd learned so much about each other that they may as well be brothers; they certainly acted like they were, even if it was obvious to anyone with eyes that they weren't.

Eventually, though, Spock had to leave. Jim hugged him goodbye and gave him the long distance contact number for his PADD. Spock promised to send him plenty of messages.

They parted ways.

\----------------

For the next three years, they continued to talk regularly. Spock was the first person Jim went to when his mom married Frank, his dad's brother. Jim was the first person (save those involved, and his mother) who he talked to about his fight in the learning pit at his school.

Jim informed him plainly that "the bastards deserved it."

Spock was inclined to agree, not that he admitted it.

Jim's brightness had started to leak out of him, and everyone around him noticed. His teachers called him gifted, his peers made jabs at how smart he was. Spock didn't notice, only because he had always had the privilege of seeing that brightness.

When Jim turned twelve, things began to get tense in the Kirk household. His mother was hardly ever home. Frank was verbally (and physically, but he didn't tell Spock about that) abusive. Jim was too smart for any of his classes. Sam ran away.

After Jim turned thirteen, he was sent to a school for the gifted on Tarsus IV by Frank. Winona, who was off-planet, was not informed.

Spock was deeply worried for his friend. Still, the colony on Tarsus IV seemed to be a golden opportunity for Jim. The school was small, but the teachers were apparently very kind, and Jim was more equal to his peers.

And then, Jim stopped messaging him back.

Spock could feel that something was wrong. He wasn't sure how, but he could feel it as easily as he felt the beating of his heart. He felt the distress of his friend equally as if it were his own.

Meanwhile, on a small colony in the middle of nowhere, James Kirk was fighting for his life.

\----------

Two years passed. James Kirk was fourteen and reckless, arguably even more so than when he was eleven and he drove his dad's old car off a cliff.

He hadn't talked to Spock since Tarsus, but he remembered him. His only real friend.

After Tarsus, Jim was sent to a rehabilitation center on Earth along with the eight other poor bastards that managed to survive despite being on Kodos's hit list. It had been hell. Food wouldn't sit in his stomach, not after weeks of giving up every scrap of food he could find to the kids.

The kids. Dammit, the kids.

Of the thousands Kodos selected for execution, 1,528 were under the age of thirteen. After the executions got underway, there had been only ten left, at least as far as Kirk had known. Ten little kids with nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.

Jim was the oldest of the group of ten. So he tried to take care of them. He tried so, so hard.

Three were caught by the executioners. Two starved to death. One disappeared. Four. Four were left alive, including Kirk.

There were five adults that survived. Jim didn't know any of them.

After it all, Jim vowed that he'd never let anyone die under his watch again. Never.

And then it was two years later. Winona divorced Frank and came back home, but there was a rift between mother and son that couldn't be bridged easily.

Jim found himself sitting in his room one day, absently wondering what Spock looked like now. He'd be... What, eighteen? Seventeen? Nineteen? Jim couldn't remember.

Two years.

Jim sighed, and reached for his PADD. Spock's contact number was still there.

So Jim sent him a message.

\-------

Spock was seventeen and he still felt the presence of James Kirk in the back of his mind.

He hadn't heard from the boy in two years, but he did not blame him. He had felt his anguish, his turmoil. He had attempted to contact Jim multiple times, but to no avail.

And then it happened.

A single word. A single message.

_Hey._

_Jim. It is a relief to hear from you. How have you been?_

_Awful. But better, now._

_That is gratifying to hear._

_How've you been?_

Spock had to pause in order to ascertain the cultural meaning of those words. He calculated his response:

_I have been well. I intend to come to Earth in three weeks to begin training at Starfleet academy._

This made Jim excited.

_Wow, that's great! Maybe we could meet up sometime._

_That would be, as you often say, 'cool.'_

Jim laughed, and then he stopped suddenly.

Jim was fourteen. Spock was seventeen.

Three years isn't too much when you're eight and you don't go to school together anyway, but when you get to be fourteen, god, three years feels like a decade.

Jim sighed. He was still gangly and awkward, with his freckles and his dishwater colored hair. He still hadn't really grown into his full height, his growth stunted by nearly starving to death. He was still such a... Kid.

He suddenly felt like he was five years old again.

Still, he wanted to see Spock. They'd been talking like brothers for years, but they hadn't seen each other in person since they were little kids.

_Yeah, Spock. It'd be cool._

\----------------------

Spock was two years into his academy training, and he had already completed enough courses to be a professor. He would be graduating at the end of the semester and would be taking on the job of a linguistics professor, even though academy training to that extent was meant to take far longer than two years.

Still, he knew that he would derive illogical pleasure from showing others the well placed, delicate swirls of Vulcan calligraphy. Of course, that was only a small part of the curriculum, but it was the only part he felt any sort of emotion for.

Emotion had been something that Jim Kirk had taught him to embrace and indulge, but only occasionally, and only in harmless circumstances. Learning to do so had brought Spock a sort of peace that otherwise would have taken him years to accomplish.

Jim would be graduating high school this year at the age of sixteen. Spock realized, as he had done occasionally over the years, that he and Jim had not seen each other face to face in a very long time. They hadn't even really had the time for a video conference, although truthfully, they had somewhat avoided it due to a mutual nervousness.

\-------

And then, once again, Jim Kirk dropped out of contact.

This time, Spock felt no anguish. He simply felt... Emptiness.

And it scared him.

\-------

James Kirk was lost to the world.

He was out of touch with reality. He was wild. He was the most reckless eighteen year old virgin to ever grace the seat of a hoverbike.

And he fucking loved it. Or at least it felt exhilarating, and to Jim, that was close enough to count as love.

Still, he felt lonely. He had grown into his features, and he was attractive and charming and could probably get into anyone's pants if he tried, but he was still so, unbearably lonely.

One night he found himself lying in the sand, staring up at the night sky with wonder in his eyes. That was the one thing he had never lost or grown out of.

He began to search out the stars and constellations he knew. He saw Betelgeuse, in all it's brightness. He picked out a few constellations, and made up a few of his own.

And then his eyes sought out Orion, the archer, and he felt a pang of guilt as he remembered Spock.

He didn't really know why he stopped talking to Spock. It had kind of freaked him out how he could practically feel Spock's concern in his head, for one thing.

But... He still thought about Spock, all the time. Wondered what he looked like, how he talked. Wondered if he still considered Jim his friend.

He shook his head like a wet dog and jumped up, dusting himself off and hopping on his hoverbike. He'd go to the nearest bar (thank god that he was finally eighteen) and, for the first time in his life, try to use that charm of his to get into some girl's pants. He was an eighteen year old boy, and for once in his godforsaken life, he was going to act like it.

\------

He was sitting at the bar. He felt uncomfortable at first, but a few drinks later, he was far more relaxed and willing to make an utter fool of himself.

 

He saw a girl sit down at the bar. Dark hair, dark skin, eyes bright with intelligence. She was wearing a Starfleet cadet uniform.

He watched her put in some orders that obviously weren't hers, and then-

"...And a shot of jack, straight up."

Bingo.

"Make it two. Her shot's on me."

"Her shot's on her. Thanks, but no thanks."

"Don't you want my name before you completely reject me?"

She looked at him like he was the dumbest man she'd ever met. He probably deserved it.

"I'm good without it."

Kirk wanted to charm this girl, he really did, but he kept getting distracted. He didn't really feel like being all that charming tonight. Being buzzed like this just made him want to babble on about space and astrophysics and game theory and whatever other shit came to his mind.

Like he used to with Spock.

Dammit.

He sighed.

"You _are_ good without it," he said before pausing. And then-

"My name's Jim. Jim Kirk."

She looked very unimpressed and continued half-ignoring him. He sighed.

"If you don't tell me your name I'm going to have to make one up."

"Uhura," she said simply.

He nodded.

"Uhura what?"

"Just Uhura."

"They don't have last names on your planet?"

"Uhura is my last name."

If he'd still been flirting, he might have pressed the issue. Instead, he opted to fish for some intelligent conversation.

"Okay, so you're a cadet. Studying. What's your focus?"

"Xenolinguistics," she supplied happily. "Not that you even know what that means."

Kirk inwardly sighed. He was used to people assuming he was an idiot, but it did get tiring.

"The study of alien languages. Morphology, phonology, syntax."

Kirk was pleased at her surprised expression.

"No offense, Kirk, but I was under the impression that you were..."

"An idiot? Stupid? Incorrigible? A dumb hick?"

She laughed.

"Yeah. No offense."

Jim paused for a moment, then lifted his drink to her.

"Nam-tor ri thrap wilat punem-tor rim, miss Uhura."

_‘There is no offense where none is taken.’_

She raised her drink, laughing again.

"Well aren't you just full of surprises. Where'd you learn Vulcan that well? Your accent is nearly flawless for a human!"

Jim swallowed thickly.

"Took a few classes while I was in school. I had a friend once, who was Vulcan."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Vulcans don't have friends."

"Yeah, that's what I thought too. Go figure, right?"

And then a burly cadet came up and ruined everything.

So much for intelligent conversation.

\-------

Captain Pike wanted him to join Starfleet.

God, Jim hadn't thought about it in years, how much he wanted to go out into space. Explore the galaxy. Seek out new life, new civilizations.

Then Frank happened and Sam ran away and everything fell to shit and little Jimmy Kirk became a cynic.

But hell, he was just eighteen. Why not join Starfleet and make something of himself? It'd give him an outlet for all his pent up recklessness and intelligence.

But then... Spock. Who he'd turned his back on for the second time in his life two years ago. Spock would be there.

...It'd be pretty easy to avoid him, right?

\-------

The next morning, Jim was on his way to riverside shipyard.

\-------

His first year at the academy had been going swimmingly. He had Bones, who was great, and Uhura, who's banter was the best in the galaxy. He had Gaila, who was sweet beyond belief.

For the first time in his lifes, he had _friends._

And he still missed Spock.

God, they hadn't talked in nearly three years. Spock probably had no clue that Jim had enrolled in the academy. It was infuriating and exhilarating and maddening all at once.

"Miss Uhura! You look very happy today."

Her face fell mockingly.

"Well, I _was,_ until you appeared."

Jim theatrically grasped at his heart.

"Miss Uhura! Oh, how you wound me!"

She laughed.

"Oh, I'm not... Happy. Just a bit- well, it's really silly."

Jim fell in stride beside her, coffee in hand, hair in place. A new day and all that.

"How so?"

"Well- you know that professor I have a crush on?"

Her tone was hushed and giddy. God, this woman was lovely. The fact that he'd nearly ruined his chance at friendship with her by flirting made him cringe inwardly.

"Yeah, Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome, whose name apparently must be kept secret. What about him?"

She bit her lip.

"Well, he told me to come see him today, nine AM sharp. Something about my research paper on early Andorian literature."

"Oooh, exciting. And somehow during this conversation you plan to woo him with your womanly charms?"

She shook her head.

"No. I'm actually just afraid of making a fool of myself. I don't want him to know, it might make things weird, and... Do you think... You could come with me? Maybe act like you're my boyfriend or something? God, I don't know. That's a dumb idea, I know, but I don't want to be tempted to do anything..."

"Unbecoming of a Starfleet cadet?"

"Exactly!"

"You'll be fine, Nyota. Come on, he can't be that intimidating!"

She sighed.

"You'd be surprised. Could you just... Walk me there? We'd be pretty early, he probably wouldn't be in yet."

Jim laughed at her, but jokingly held out his left arm for her to take.

"I'd love to, miss Uhura. And by the way, you're going to have to tell me who this guy is at some point. I'm endlessly curious."

She rolled her eyes.

"Well, we're going to be in his classroom in a moment. That'll probably give you a few hints. Oh! There's the room!"

She stopped and sighed.

"Well, I guess I'll just... Wait here."

"Waiting will be unnecessary, cadet Uhura."

Jim felt his blood turn to ice. He felt his heart drop to the floor. He felt butterflies in his stomach. He felt every stupid god damned metaphor he'd ever heard in his short, miserable life.

He knew it was Spock. He knew it as well as he knew that his name was James Tiberius Kirk, and that he was royally fucked.

Uhura whipped around immediately.

"Professor Spock! You're early."

Jim turned to face the man. Now or never.

Oh, _God._

Oh gods oh gods oh God oh Zeus oh _shit._

Okay, so maybe he wasn't counting on Spock being so... _Attractive._

Because, uh. He was. Attractive. His hair was dark and neat and his skin was pale with a light green flush. His jawline was a work of art, and the way he held himself and kept himself clean made him look like a prince.

But what killed Jim the most was the way Spock was looking at him. Spock had recognized him in turn.

"Jim. It is... Surprising to see you."

Nyota's brow furrowed.

"Wait... Jim, do you _know_ him?"

For now, Jim chose to ignore her. He'd deal with the whole explanation thing later.

"Yeah. It's actually... Not that surprising to see you here. I knew you were working here."

Spock walked forward several steps. Jim felt his breath catch in his throat. Why in the world was he suddenly attracted to Spock, of all people? Talk about bad timing.

"I have been worried about you."

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I just... I kind of... Lost control of my life? I don't know."

"Apologies are unnecessary. I know that you would not cease communication without reason."

Their eyes met. Jim found that he was having a hard time breathing, as if he were afraid of being too noticeable or too loud or too-

"Jim, I would much like to discuss... I would much like to, as you would say, 'catch up' with you. Would seven PM tonight be sufficient? We can meet here, if that is convenient."

"Yeah! Yeah, that sounds great."

Spock nodded professionally.

"We will meet here, then. 1900 hours.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a scheduled appointment with cadet Uhura. Cadet, follow me, please."

She did, but not before she looked back at Kirk and enthusiastically mouthed, 'what the hell?!'

Kirk shrugged apologetically.

He was gonna have a hell of a time explaining that one.

\--------

Spock was ecstatic. He had not spoken to his friend in years, and he had not seen him in the flesh since they were children.

Spock hadn't known that Jim had come to the academy. He had felt that the man had found some semblance of peace, but he hadn't known how.

Furthermore, he hadn't known how he was able to feel Kirk's state of mind in the first place. But, that mystery would hopefully be solved after the 'caught up.'

Spock felt nervousness, and he wasn't quite sure if it was Jim's or his own.

\--------

Jim was freaking the hell out.

He stood in front of the mirror, doing and redoing his hair, fiddling with the collar of his shirt, doing anything and everything to distract him from the thought of seeing Spock.

After sitting through his classes and not paying any attention to them whatsoever, Kirk had come to the conclusion that he was attracted to Spock. Romantically, physically, the whole embarrassing shebang.

Even worse, he had been. For quite awhile, apparently.

Turns out, James T. Kirk had been a total idiot all the years. An idiot with a penchant for trouble and an IQ to rival Einstein.

God _dammit._

He looked at the clock. It was time to leave.

So he did.

He walked his way over to Spock's office. The sun had just barely begun to set, casting it's orange glow over the academy grounds.

He stopped outside of Spock's office. He hesitated, and then rang the door.

"You may enter."

The door slid open and Kirk stepped through. Well. Now or never.

"Cadet Kirk," Spock began, "It is good to see that you are in full health. Please, sit."

Jim sat.

"God Spock, I don't know where to start."

"Typically, when relaying a series of events, one starts at the beginning."

Kirk laughed.

Spock was taken aback.

All these years, and it was still so pleasing to the ear.

_Fascinating._

"Well, fair enough. I graduated high school at age sixteen, was too smart for my own good, got my hands on an old hoverbike, and I just... Lost touch with reality. It was lonely and terrible and-"

He stopped, realizing how personal this was, and how he'd never told anyone before. Just like he'd never talked to anyone about Tarsus, and Frank, and his mom. Except Spock. Spock knew everything.

"Yeah. Long story short, I met Uhura, got beaten to a pulp by some punk Cadet in a bar, and the Pike showed up and somehow convinced me to join Starfleet. So here I am."

Spock nodded.

"I see."

They sat in silence for a while. It was a bit awkward, but it also... Wasn't. At some point, Spock made tea, offering some to Kirk. Kirk accepted, if only to have do with his mouth besides bite at his fingertips.

"Would you be amenable to a walk, Jim? I have spent roughly 92.3 percent of the past ten hours sitting."

Jim's lips twitched upwards slightly.

"Sounds great! I'm getting kinda antsy, myself."

So they went from sitting in silence to walking in silence. Neither of them knew what to say, really.

As the stars began to appear, Jim found himself looking up more and more often.

And then, he was flooded by a surge of wild courage, and he stopped dead in his tracks before lying down on the too-green grass of the academy grounds.

"Lay down with me?"

Spock did.

And then it was Spock who spoke, surprising Jim.

"Jim, I do not believe that we ever finished our game of truth or dare."

The randomness of this statement made Jim laugh.

Spock let the sound caress him.

"No, we didn't. I guess we just sort of... Forgot about it."

"Truth or dare?"

"Spock, I thought Vulcans were logical."

"It is illogical not to see something to completion. I repeat: truth, or dare?"

"All right. Truth."

"Do you feel me as I feel you?"

The question made Jim's heart practically leap out of his chest.

"I- I think I do, Spock. I think I do."

Spock nodded.

"I see. I believe it is now 'your turn.'"

Jim chuckled.

"Okay, okay. I still think this is silly, but okay. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Wow, we've both gotten lazy. Okay," Jim started, and then he hesitated. What if he-? No. No, he had to ask.

"Spock, are you... Attracted to me?"

Spock's breath caught so slightly that Kirk nearly didn't notice.

"I am. I am sorry if this-"

"No, Spock, no. I'm only asking because... I'm attracted to you. Hell, maybe I even," he swallowed, "maybe I even love you. In a long-term sort of way."

They stared at each other for a moment, and then Spock took Jim's hand lightly in his own.

“In Terran culture, one’s first ‘kiss’ has… Personal significance, does it not?”

Jim felt embarrassed for a moment,  remembering that, at his age, he hadn't been kissed yet. He hadn't ever really had that much of an opportunity, and when he’d been at the age where he could have if he tried, he was too busy talking to Spock, and being friends with Spock and he just-

"You were my first kiss."

Jim’s internal monologue stuttered to a halt and was replaced with the buzzing sensation of confusion.

"Was I? I'm pretty sure I would have remembered-"

"Vulcans kiss by touching hands. When we were at that party, as children, you took my hand. You, Jim, were my first kiss."

Jim thought about that for a moment, and then smiled sheepishly.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was overwhelmed."

"Understandable, I guess."

They sat there touching hands, and then it occurred to Spock that they were, in fact, sitting on academy grounds where anyone passing by could see.

"Don't worry, Spock. This is one of the most common spots on campus for couples to come and hide. There's not really any surveillance here, or at least not any that anyone pays attention to."

Jim's brow furrowed.

"Wait, how did I know you were thinking that? You didn't say it out loud."

"Vulcan kissing involves a certain level of touch-telepathy. I should have warned you."

"No! it’s fine. It's- it's really cool, actually. I like it. I feel safe"

Jim rolled over to look at the stars, keeping one of his hands lightly intertwined with Spock’s. In San Francisco, the stars weren't quite as bright, but enough measures had been taken against light pollution in the city that you could pick out the most prominent fixtures of the sky, if you looked hard enough.

"Jim," Spock said suddenly. "You... I would not mind... That is to say, if you were..."

And the. Jim felt the words.

_'You were my first kiss. I would not object to you being my last.'_

Jim's smile was blinding and beautiful.

"I don't think I would mind either. God, when did I fall in love with you like this? I don't remember it happening, not really."

"Perhaps it has always been this way, and we have only on this night chosen to acknowledge it. We did form a rudimentary bond, as children. That is how we were able to feel each other's presence."

Jim chuckled.

"A very _logical_ assumption, professor."

And then Jim kissed him in the human way. Their hands still touching, Jim moved his lips lightly across those of his counterpart, relishing in the tingling sensation. He was as elated as he was nervous, his hands quivering slightly against Spock’s. He felt awkward and uncertain at first, but something about the way Spock held his hands made that disappear.

Through their fingertips, Jim could feel that Spock's pleasure equaled his own.

Jim broke the contact, smiling.

"You were my first kiss too, Spock. That- _that_ was my first real kiss."

Spock's lips twitched upwards.

"Ashayam," he said softly. "I am honored."

Jim smirked.

"Beloved, huh?"

Spock’s eyes lit up with curiosity.

"You know Vulcan?"

"I took a few classes, _k'diwa._ It made me feel... Like more of a friend, to you."

Spock considered his words.

"T'hy'la. That is what you are, to me."

"I haven't heard that one, I’m afraid."

"It is... Uncommon. It is considered illogical but many, but by some, it is revered. It means... Friend. Lover. Brother. A relationship that runs deep and strong."

Jim simply smiled.

"I like that."

They looked up at the stars together, touching hands, kissing with mouths when the mood decided to strike them.

And then, Jim remembered Uhura and felt awful.

"What troubles you?"

"Dammit, I was supposed to- I didn't know that-"

He sighed.

"Uhura has a crush on you."

Spock moved closer to him, lightly kissing the corner of his mouth.

"You will have to inform her that her romantic intentions are illogical."

Jim laughed coolly.

"Yeah that's the problem. Oh well."

He looked back up at the stars.

"You can see Orion, just barely. Look, over there. I still think it looks more like a bow-tie than a man, though."

"I recall that Orion is, in fact, your favorite?"

Jim turned those words around in his head a few times, and then laughed.

"No Spock, he's not. Not anymore. Someone else has stepped up to fill his shoes."

Jim wiped away the other man's puzzled expression with a soft, human kiss.

Friend, brother, lover. What else could a guy ask for?

\----------

"So, long story short, I'm dating Spock. Kind of."

Jim paused and squinted his eyes, bracing for impact. And then Uhura started to- laugh?

"Oh my god. You- Mr. Illogical-James-Kirk, are now dating Spock? This is amazing."

"You're not... Mad?"

She grinned at him. There was something slightly disappointed in her expression, but that was overshadowed by her amusement. Kirk was endlessly grateful.

"I'm not mad at all. But I _will_ be mad if you don't tell me _every little detail_ of how in the world that happened."

So he did.

He may or may not have been smiling like an idiot the whole time.

 

 


End file.
